I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
