Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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