If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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