I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
