I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
