you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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