he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
