I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
