Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
