I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i came on her dog
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
