I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
