what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
