i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
