wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just had sex bonerless
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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