I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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