dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I need to sanitize my soul.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
