Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
