Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
