I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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