i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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