I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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