tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
zippers are such a cool invention
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
