Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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