he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
