It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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