i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
