he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
