Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The power of my boobs compel you
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
