Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
