Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
