like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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