i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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