The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Found your dick twin last night
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
