Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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