Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
