I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
