Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
