if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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