don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
