i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
