your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
