matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
