Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
