dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
