So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
