Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
