I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
