He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
