She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
