I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
