if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
