So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
3pm strippers are depressing
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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